WalkerFamilyLife Blog

We hear a lot about quality time with our kids.

In the midst of all that’s on our schedules today, it can be tough to get large quantities of time together, especially for larger families like ours. In the Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman talks about the fact that for some people, time equals love. So, if we don’t make sure to plan time with our kids then we’ll fail to meet a critical need.

That’s hard for a task-driven person like myself. I usually have more on my plate than I can possibly get done, but I also usually think I should do it all. That can tend to put me in a position of being reactive with family time rather than proactive. I’ve found a few tips to be helpful:

• I schedule regular date nights with my daughters, even from the earliest years. I did this with my oldest last night and these are often the best conversations. I try to leave as much time as possible because once a child starts opening up, you sure don’t want to stop them.
• We pick our kids activities with the goal of time together in mind. For us as a large family, we try to pick activities that multiple kids can do so that there’s less time shuttling and more time doing, and so that the activity can be experienced as a family, not just an individual. This doesn’t apply to everything, but where it does apply it has sure helped.
• Work spiritual learning time into the daily schedule. For our family, we have morning Bible study before Dad goes to work. This is a key time for discussing real life issues in the context of Scripture. This doesn’t take a lot of prep so don’t let that stop you. I just share what I’ve learned. At times, we’ve just read through Scripture together (don’t try to do too much at once, leave time for talking). Right now, we’re reading through John Piper’s What Jesus Demands from the World. Whatever. Just make sure you make the spiritual a priority
• I try to never run an errand by myself. I take a kid with me and we just talk.

That’s what I do. What’s worked for you?  Share your thoughts below, or find me on facebook and join our new WalkerFamilyLife facebook group.  

So many ways that the Enemy desires to divide us.

For Karaña and I, undoubtedly the greatest source of disagreement in our 20 years of marriage has been our differing parenting styles. Karaña tends to lean more toward justice, I lean more toward grace. Now, that can be a good thing as it can help keep you from being unbalanced. In the process, though, it can also create some real conflicts!

It is so easy to begin battling each other, isn’t it? Too many times, I have found myself pitted against Karaña as we held vastly different viewpoints on how to handle a discipline issue with one of our kids. I’m sad to say that my flesh often led me to seek victory rather than understanding, often spiritualizing my opinion by making it seem like the “godly” thing to do.

Now, coming to the right decision on a parenting issue is certainly important, but in those situations the really important issue is how I love my wife. I’m supposed to love her as Christ loved the church, right? (Eph 5:25) Can you imagine Christ ever seeking to win a battle against the church? Of course not. He always seeks our best and sacrificed himself to make that happen.

There is a certain moment from our Weekend to Remember marriage conferences that seems to be remembered more than any other. During the first night when we are discussing the “Five Threats to Oneness,” the speaker will instruct the couples to look at one another and say, “My Mate is Not My Enemy.” The speaker will then make clear that we have an Enemy, but he is out there. It’s amazing to see what a groundbreaking statement that can be because many of these couples have entered the conference viewing themselves as enemies.

God says in Gen 2:24 that “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” God intended that we would create “oneness” in our marriage, but Satan doesn’t want that. So, he seeks to divide us in whatever way he can.

So, whenever you find yourself on opposite sides of an issue, whatever it is, remember that the Enemy is out there.

And, why not find your way to a Weekend to Remember conference this Spring and get on the same page. Join our group and get the group rate of $89 at http://www.familylife.com/groups/walkerfamilylife.