WalkerFamilyLife Blog

The Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan

My rating: 5 of 5 stars
Francis Chan picks up the mantle of Bill Bright in helping the church form a biblical understanding of the way that the indwelling of the Holy Spirit should change us. This is a challenging book and you may or may not agree with everything (I didn’t) but all believers do need to think through the things he is saying. Come Holy Spirit and fill your church!

View all my reviews >>

Yesterday FamilyLife got approval from Apple for our first iPhone App. The FamilyLife Audio app lets you listen to recent broadcasts of FamilyLife Today and Real FamilyLife. It also gives you access to transcripts if they are available and the ability to email them to a friend! If you have an iPhone, iPod Touch or iPad (lucky!), be sure to download it in the AppStore on your device or at http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/familylife-audio/id376833393?mt=8#.

Also, it’s very important to get those first reviews in so if you like what you see, be sure to give it 5 stars and a review!!

When asked what she wanted John Piper to say at this point, his wife Noel said “You cannot say too often that marriage is a model of Christ and the church.” Piper gives three reasons:

This lifts marriage out of the sordid sitcom images and gives it the magnificent meaning God meant it to have

This gives marriage a solid basis in grace, since Christ obtained and sustains his bride by grace alone, and

This shows that the husband’s headship and the wife’s submission are crucial and crucified.

Chapters 1 and 2 discussed the first reason. Chapters 3-5 will deal with reason #2 – how the grace of God should impact our marriages as they become showcases of new-covenant grace. Piper says we do this by “resting in the experience of God’s grace and bending it out from a vertical experience with God into a horizontal experience with (our) spouse.” This is the basis on which we can be naked and not ashamed in spite of the fact that we have much to be ashamed of.

In order to really hold this in perspective, it is critical that we hold close the memory of the wrath of God that we deserve. “Without a biblical view of God’s wrath, you will be tempted to think that your wrath – your anger – against your spouse is simply too big to overcome, because you have never really tasted what it is like to see an infinitely greater wrath overcome by grace, namely, God’s wrath against you.” Our sins were nailed to the cross, but not only our own but those of our spouse as well, if we are married to a believer. Piper says, “Husbands and wives cannot believe this too strongly. It is essential to our fulfilling the design of marriage.”

But the gospel goes beyond mere forgiveness, amazing as that is. It not only wipes away our debt but it credits us with the perfect righteousness of Christ himself! So not only can we bend outward the grace of God in forgiveness but also the justification that makes us righteous. Piper says, “As the Lord counts you righteous in Christ, though you are not righteous in actual behavior and attitude, so count your spouse righteous in Christ, though he or she is not righteous. Of course, this doesn’t remove the need for repentance and forgiveness, but grounded in the words of Col 3:12-13 it gives us a basis for forgiving and forbearing with our spouses.

In the next chapter, we will explore Forgiving and Forbearing.

Just received this email from Dennis Rainey who is at the start of Orphan Summit VI. This is exciting for me as I was here at FamilyLife when the first Orphan Summit was called by FamilyLife’s Hope for Orphans and 38 people got together at FamilyLife HQ to brainstorm ways to work together to meet the needs of orphans worldwide. After the first few, the group outgrew our room and has been moving around to various other venues. Here’s Dennis’ post along with a really lousy pic from his iPhone

What started at FL 6 years ago with 38 people representing a couple of dozen Christian organizations, is now meeting in MPLS at a leading church in the Twin Cities.  I walked in and saw the crowd and had chill bumps as 1100 leaders from all over the world are here.  Amazingly 80% of these leaders are first time attenders.  Just outside the auditorium there are more than 80 different organizations who have booths.  Give thanks to God for how God has used Paul Pennington and his team to be a catalyst for this movement of God to continue to expand.

The former First Lady of Guatemala is speaking about the spiritual condition of her country and explaining that the country is poor because they have followed ancient religions and not read the bible and worshipped the One True God.   She shared how she became a believer in Christ at the age of 25 and how she became of single parent of two after her husband was killed.  She remarried a man 30 years ago who was a politician and she began working with the street children of her country.  There are thousands.  Faces that are dirty.  Sad.  Violent.  Gangs.  Drugs.  Abuse.   Bad memories of their father.  She invited them to come  to a safe place, away from the streets…first came 1 child, then 17, now 500.  They now have very old houses that house them and volunteers that take care of them and changing their hearts by introducing them to Jesus Christ.

This morning Paul  called an early breakfast meeting of some of the leaders of the largest orphan care organizations here to discuss how we could partner and help a nation who wants to address the needs of their children and build families.    Interestingly, ALL agreed that if the church doesn’t  doesn’t address the needs of families, the orphan crisis is destined to perpetuate itself.   All this has HUGE implications GLOBALLY for all the resources we are creating and will launch this August/fall.

Aslan is on the move.

Dennis

Continuing the series blogging through John Piper’s excellent book This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence we come to Chapter 2: Naked and Not Ashamed. After establishing the covenant of marriage in Gen 2:24, Gen 2:25 tells us that “The man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” So what is the point of this verse?

Piper postulates that there are two possible reasons why they would not be ashamed. First, it could be because the effects of sin had not yet blemished them and so they had perfect bodies. “In other words, their freedom from shame was because they had absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Is that the main point” (p 32)? Piper argues no for three reasons:

1. No matter how perfect your spouse is, if you’re selfish and unkind you can make comments that shame them.
2. Verses 24-25 are intended to be relevant after the fall, not just for these two pre-fall individuals
3. Verse 24 (covenant one-flesh union) creates the relationship where verse 25 (naked and unashamed) can happen.

So instead Piper opts for the second possibility, that they are free from shame because they have no fear of being shamed by their spouse. Because each of their spouses was sinless, they would not fear the other doing anything to shame them.

So what relevance does this have for us. Notice that there is much more power for living without shame in the second reason than in the first. We might think that if I were sinless and perfect I could live shame free, but that is both untrue (I am sinful and imperfect) and insufficient (my spouse could probably still shame me). Instead the hope for living without shame is found in a covenant love that does not fear being disapproved by the other, in spite of my imperfections.

Marriage was designed from the beginning to display the new covenant between Christ and the church. We have seen this in Ephesians 5:31-32. The very essence of this new covenant is that Christ passes over the sins of his bride. His bride is free from shame not because she is perfect, but because she has not fear that her lover will condemn her or shame her because of her sin. (pp 33-34 emphasis added)

But when they sinned, each instinctively new that the other had chosen independence from God and was now selfish at heart and no longer trustworthy. They also knew they had done that and that things were no longer as they should be. Their nakedness was the first effect of their sin (Gen 3:5-7). They felt both vulnerable to shame from their spouse and defiled and unworthy because of the loss of fellowship with God. They clothed themselves with fig leaves in an attempt to deny that shame, but God foreshadowed his redemption by killing a sacrifice and using the skins to make them new clothing.

A couple of questions for thought and comment below:

• Have you ever thought about the two possible sources for shame?
• How have you been guilty of putting shame on your spouse because of your own sinfulness?
• If “the very essence of new covenant love is that Christ passes over the sins of his bride”, are you willing to reflect Christ in this way?

I recently completed my first reading of what has become my new favorite book on marriage, and it comes from my favorite preacher. In This Momentary Marriage, John Piper looks at the biblical teaching on marriage from a perspective not often taken, asking “What is it’s eternal meaning?” The result is profoundly convicting and instructive.

In her forward to the book, John’s wife Noel Piper shares about their own marriage and how their extreme differences have led their marriage to swing on a pendulum between “How in the world did I get such an amazing husband?” to “How in the world did we get into such a mess?” However, in spite of the ups and downs, she affirms that marriage is ultimately a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the church. That’s all marriages, regardless of sin. So the question she asks is, “How clear and well-focused is the portrait of Jesus that our marriage is displaying?”

The Introduction begins with the story of Dietrich Bohnoeffer, who was engaged to be married when he was hanged at dawn on April 9, 1945 by the Nazis for his involvement in a plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler.Piper writes:

So he never married. He skipped the shadow on the way to the Reality. Some are called to one kind of display of the worth of Christ, some to another. Martyrdom, not marriage, was his calling. (p 13)

Piper then shares the story of John and Betty Stam who were martyred in China leaving behind an infant daughter. They were reunited in heaven, but not as husband and wife for there is no marriage in heaven (Mark 12:25).

The shadow of covenant-keeping between husband and wife gives way to the reality of covenant-keeping between Christ and his glorified Church. Nothing is lost. The music of every pleasure is transposed into an infinitely higher key. (pp 14-15)

In “A Wedding Sermon from a Prison Cell,” Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote

Marriage is more than your love for each other…In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal – it is a status, an office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man.

So this is the theme of the book:

to enlarge your vision of what marriage is…The meaning of marriage is the display of the covenant keeping love between Christ and his people. … It is a good gift from God, but it is only one possible path along the narrow way to Paradise. Marriage passes through breathtaking heights and through swamps with choking vapors. It makes many things sweeter, and with it come bitter providences. Marriage is a momentary gift.

In the coming weeks, I will be blogging through the fifteen chapters of this short 180-page book, sharing some of the most meaningful insights that I have gained as a result of reading it. I hope they will be meaningful to you as well.

If you’d like to read the entire book, which I highly recommend, it is available for free in PDF form on Piper’s web site, or you can purchase it from the common sources.

Some questions in the meantime:

• Does your own marriage swing on the pendulum from idealism to pessimism? Do you spend more time on one end or the other?
• Have you ever considered marriage as a picture of the relationship of Christ and the church?
• What do you think about Jesus’ words that there will be no marriage in heaven? Does that disappoint you? What about Piper’s comment that in heaven “the music of every pleasure is transposed to an infinitely higher key?”
• Bonhoeffer talks about marriage as more than a personal thing but as a responsibility toward the world. How does that strike you? How would it change things if you approached it that way?

Share your thoughts or comments below

The eMentoring team just recently had an off-site meeting to gear up for the push to our full “launch” in May. I put launch in quotes because we’re already doing a good bit of mentoring (almost 800 messages in February) but as yet we have not put an application online to allow people to apply as mentors. That is the last major hurdle to put in place. After that, we will simply be in a mode of adding resources and growing the # of mentors and mentees in the system.

It is so exciting to see what God is already doing through mentoring. Take a look at this mentoring request that I personally got a few weeks ago:

Hello. My name is ____. I have never done anything like this before, reaching out to strangers but from reading articles on your website, I feel inspired and want to reach out to you guys to talk about my problem.

I myself, am not a christian. I was raised semi-Buddhist. I dated a christian girl for about 2 years. She is a wonderful person. In the beginning of my relationship, she told me upfront that she does not want to date anyone outside her faith because it would be complicated and difficult. She wants to be able to share the spirituality and beliefs with her husband. I told her at that time that I would begin reading the bible.

When she agreed to date me, I stopped reading the bible. I respected her religion but i made no effort to become a faithful christian for her. During our 2 years together, I did some very terrible things. I was addicted to Porn. I lied to her. I even cheated on her, although I never actually slept with another woman. I had lust for another person and even went ahead with flirting and pursuing this other person while dating my girlfriend at the time. I was not faithful to her in every way.

Through many chances, she gave me opportunities to change and finally i broke the last straw. She left me for good because she could not take the hurt anymore. She is dating someone new now and seem to be happy. I on the other hand have realized that I really do love her. I did not show it when i was with her but without her, my entire world does not seem happy or fun at all. I fell like I have lost my soul mate.

Recently, I have turned to God. I am reading the bible and reading articles in becoming a better person. I am trying to fix things so that if I ever get that chance again with her, I would be ready. I would be the man she wants.

I am finding it is difficult to live a christian life. There are many temptations. I am trying very hard to stay aware from porn, drugs and lying. I guess I am writing to share my story with someone.

I know that she might never ever come back. I want to be a better person.

Thank you.

Can you imagine a greater evangelistic opening? And it came because someone was wandering on the Internet looking for relationship help, found FamilyLife’s web site and saw our eMentoring program. Since then, we’ve exchanged 14 emails and I’ve had the opportunity to share the gospel with him and begin exploring his life issues in more detail. Though he has not yet expressed faith, he is seriously seeking to learn and grow. And I don’t even know his name!

Pray for this new friend and for the countless other conversations like it that are already happening through FamilyLife eMentoring. Also, pray for the launch so that many more can be engaged in this vital need.

Stayed home from church this morning trying to kick a cold I picked up while at the Biblical Counseling Training Conference in Lafayette, IN. It was an inspiring and instructional week but after 49 hours of instruction and the 11 hour drive home I was exhausted. I found myself in one of those places where my fatigue caused everything that’s going on in my life to look like an insurmountable obstacle. Ever been there?

So, honestly I was really looking forward to having some quiet hours alone this morning to do business with God. I started by going over some of the key Scriptures we covered at the conference and let them minister to my soul. Then spent some time meditating on Colossians, including a verse that has ministered a lot to me over the past few months. In Col 1:29, Paul speaks of his ministry and says, “For this I toil, struggling with all His energy that He powerfully works within me.” That’s a perspective that I need to be reminded of repeatedly. Our work here is often a struggle and toil, but it is done with energy that is provided by God. Even just now I was reminded to stop and pray for God to provide the energy that I need for each day because otherwise I’ll be overwhelmed.

There are so many exciting things happening at FamilyLife and some days are truly inspiring. Others are just work. That’s what Paul said even his ministry of the gospel was like: toil and struggle. That’s normal. It isn’t all easy just because you’re walking with God.

So what should I do about it? Part of it I’ve already mentioned: realize that it’s normal and ask God for the strength to persevere. But I also think about Jesus’ words to the church of Ephesus that had lost its first love. In Rev 2:4-5 he counsels them about how to reverse that spiritual apathy by saying:

But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. If not, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place, unless you repent.

So what does Jesus tell the Ephesians to do:

1. Remember where you have fallen from
2. Repent
3. Do the works you did at first

I think that’s not only something we need to do when we find ourselves bored with the gospel (God forbid!) but also when the work of the kingdom seems arduous and unpleasant. We need to think back to the times in the past where we had a passion for doing His work and repent of the wrong thinking that has led us away from that point. Then, we need to get busy doing the things that we did back then. Notice that Jesus addresses a lack of love by a call to repentance and action. When the actions are right, the feelings will come.

So pray for me that I will be able to live in this truth. I need it often.

What have you learned during times when God’s work seems like drudgery? Share your comments.

The battle against cancer can be one of the most difficult journeys for a marriage. Unfortunately, the divorce statistics are very high for these couples, yet I just came across this video of a couple who persevered and leaned into their covenant to make it through. Though it’s not part of this video, a Weekend to Remember they attended while he was undergoing treatments was a significant part of their story. We will all face adversity. Will it push you toward your spouse or away from him/her? toward God or away from Him?

Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of my first date with Karana. To celebrate I shared 25 of my top memories with her on Twitter and Facebook, one every 25 minutes. If you missed them, here was the list:

1. The first date and the first kiss. My what a wonderful life that day started!
2. The first day we reported for work at FamilyLife and how thankful we were for God’s provision
3. Rose petals
4. Sitting up all night in the Orlando airport waiting for a 6am flight to get home to our kids after the tornado.
5. Coming back to our hotel room to learn that a tornado had hit our home but that the kids were safe
6. Driving you home from working together at Sonic so your Dad wouldn’t worry
7. Lots of “Surprise Christmases” when we’d wake the kids up early on a random December day to open gifts
8. The way Rebekah screamed whenever she first saw us in Korea
9. The look of shock on your face when a friend told us a stranger wanted to give us the adoption money
10. Praying over a list of costs for out last adoption and asking God to provide if it was meant to be
11. The way Kyle smiled and laughed at everyone on the plane
12. Calling you when God answered our prayer for guidance on our first adoption by Dennis Rainey asking “Do you have room?” on FLT
13. The curly-haired smile of our little “Sweet Potato” and how it lit up our hearts
14. When Christine was born and the nurse said, “You just gave birth to your best friend.”
15. When Gene was born face up and the Dr bent him at the waist and said “Hi Mom!”
16. You pulling my hair in a contraction with Gene when I was trying to remind you we had decided no drugs.
17. Giving my parents mugs for Christmas 1989 that said “Grandpa” and “Grandma.”
18. Our honeymoon at Disney World as two kids who couldn’t believe we were really married!
19. The way you kept the kids away when “Daddy was working on his thesis.”
20. Coloring a FamilyLife logo divided into 100 parts each time we got 1% closer to reporting
21. When you agreed to take IBS classes with me then I abandoned you because my boss said I had to withdraw
22. Watching “Sabrina” together at the Arcadian Inn
23. Wandering through NamDaeMun street market haggling for Hanboks in Korean with calculators
24. Arriving at our hotel room for Ministry Preview full of questions and expectancy at what God would do.
25. Buying our first house together and being amazed at how God had provided so well

I have been blessed with a wife who has joined me on the amazing adventure of following God where leads. It has been the a rich life full of the best that life has to offer.

I am also very thankful for the teaching that we received from parents, church and through the ministry of FamilyLife. If you’re looking for a richer marriage, now’s a great time to learn what we did at the Weekend to Remember because through Monday it is Buy One Get One Free!